Post by grungecat on Jun 15, 2022 0:33:40 GMT -5
Here is the bits and stuff I'm messing with, with my on going project (I intend to write 3/5 books). I'll just update this thread I guess when I mess with ideas or things.
Here's the first chapter and I'm... gonna have to edit it. It's just, here before I never post it. haha. ;
Somewhere In Maryland
“ Kon, Hey hey Kon. Kon? You listening?—
“ KONSTANTINE! Pay attention!” A girl yelled. “ I don’t want you to falling off the roof and breaking your neck. I’m not gonna necromance your dead ass back to life if you do!” She barked again at Konstantine as the other girl stared off from the roof top. Kon had walked around the back porch roof to see everything that she could see from her vantage point. It was really cool to get a bird’s eye view of Morgana’s neighborhood.
“ You can raise the dead with magic? Isn’t that, like, devil worship?” she asked with concern in her voice. Sure she was very curious about this new ‘religion’ she was dabbling in. But she was still afraid of the ‘Devil’.
“ Kon, there’s no devil in the craft. I’ve told you this before. You gotta like, deprogram all that toxic shit the church force fed you for years.” Morgana rolled her eyes.
“ Yeah and I STILL gotta see mom and go to church in a few days-” Konstantine whined.
“ So you’ll be in the broom closet, a lot of witches are. Do you think my dad knows I’m a witch?”
“ Uh, I don’t know, does he?”
“ He suspects it but I really don’t care. I gotta keep my mouth shut shut or he’ll claim some religious freedom shit to stiff mom on child support and not pay for my school lunches in the fall.” Morgan scoffed as she paged through a new age book. “ So I pretend to believe in Jesus when he calls. It’s just pretending. You don’t have to fear going to Hell because it doesn’t exist.” Morgana rolled her eyes. Konstantine decided to settle her friends nerves and took a set against the brick wall of the house where it met the porch roof. “ Thank you.” Morgana said, not taking her eyes off the book.
“ You’re like the mom friend even though you’re two years younger than me.”
“ And don’t you forget it.” Morgana noted.
Kon watched the neighborhood from her vantage point above. It was a cool evening, and the promise of summer and being free from school responsibilities was well with in the air. The pressure of everything had finally settled down. The sun had finally set around 8 at night, and things had gotten slower, and easier, and perhaps a bit happier. No one wanted to be too hot from working to fast in the lazy summer heat.
Row-homes colored red and brown, stood lined up beside an old battlefield. Which after all this time had been turned into a park, the few remains on the land from the Battle of North Point. A field for children to play in, and nothing more. She thought it was morbid. In her childhood she had to do reports about Dundalk all the time- her mother had some odd sense of pride about it. So she knew the haunted parts, and the not so haunted parts. But she had yet to see any ghosts. The fireflies that looked like ghosts stirred about in the trees and in the grass.
“ You don’t act 13.” Kon said as she rested her chin on her knees. Recalling her mom-friend statement.
“ And you don’t act 15, like seriously. What kind of sheltered life do you live?”
“ Maybe you were the one exposed to stuff too early.”
“ It’s better to be that way, that way you can protect yourself from being taken advantage of.” Morg continued.
“ You think someone would take advantage of my kindness?” Kon blinked. “ That’s mean. Why would anyone take advantage of someone who’s being kind?” she fiddled with her hands. “ I mean, if we’re nice, and the good guys. Why would anyone treat us like crap? I mean I know people still do in school but you know what I mean. Like as grown ups.”
“ Oh, hah. Kon.” Morgana laughed lightly. “ You would totally be a super hero, you have this do-gooder outlook on everyone. And I’m in the back seat, because well- I’m smaller and I’m the hotter one that gets all the girls.” Morgana dodged the heaviness of the conversation about a cartoon they had watched that afternoon.
“ You get all the girls? Since when? I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend.” Kon felt completely confused, what was she getting at?
“ So you finally admit you aren’t a girl!” she played on as she teased and half-flirted. Konstantine sighed in defeat. Oblivious, well, she knew Morgana liked her- and she liked Morgana. But she didn’t have any romantic feelings. Just love. Unconditional love. It was weird. She wondered if there was a word for it.
“ Maybe we can astral travel to their city?” Konstantine said out loud. Thinking about the show they had watched once again. “ I’d like to get away from this place sometimes, you know?”
“ No way, Baltimore is literally the same thing. Only their city is like that Counting Crows song- ‘everyone wants to pass as cats.”
“ I think he was referencing ‘cats’ as in, like black people who started rock-in-roll.”
“ Black people started rock in roll?” Morgana looked up from her book. “ Really?”
“ I think so.” Kon said as she looked up at the sky. “ They started it, and well.. then what’s his name, er.. Elvis kind of stole the style and created rock and roll from Jazz.”
“ Don’t tell my dad that, he wouldn’t believe you. He’d probably say white people invented it to summon Satan. He listens to the same stupid ass track of Gospel music when ever I have to see him. One track for his one track mind.” And with that the two fell into fits of laughter. Leaning on one another affectionately to hold the other up.
So the two were seated a top of a awning on the back porch. Konstantine was then explaining the different constellations to Morgana, “ I think that’s the Big Dipper. I’m usually better at pointing out the ones in the winter…” Konstantine sighed as she itched the back of her head. “ And it’s hard to tell here with all the light pollution.. Maybe if we were in the mountains..”
Morgana listened and would glance every so often at the stars above. But focused her attention on placing gem stones around them in a circle, and paging through whatever New Age book she had in her hands.
“ I was gonna ask, how did you get the new book? It looks cool.”
“ Well mom sure as hell didn’t get it for me.”
“ Yeah that too- do we gotta worry about her showing up any time soon?” Kon asked.
“ Probably not. Mom’s never ever home, she just pops on by and leaves from food for grandma and then leaves us to fend for ourselves.” Morgana frowned.
“ Oh.. I’m sorry.” Kon lowered her head.
“ It’s okay, like, at least I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want. Most parents would lose their shit about a kid doing witch craft on the roof. My mom? She has no idea where I’m at and probably doesn’t even care.” Morgana laughed it off. But Kon could tell that she was hurt by her mother’s absence.
“ Maybe we can do a spell for someone to help us, keep us safe from the ones that hurt us.”
“ What? Like save us?” Morgana scoffed, that sounds a little Christian. Read the memo Konkon, Jesus isn’t coming because he doesn’t exist..”
“ That’s not what I mean. Not Jesus..” She stalled a bit. “ I mean like a real hero, like a good spirit or something.” Kon smiled sheepishly.
“ A good spirit? …Well whatever you do in the astral tonight. Will be a game changer. I think if I do this right you’ll be able to meet your spirit guide. You know, when you astral travel.”
“ What’s astral traveling like?”
“ Like Lucid dreaming.” Morgana continued.
“ What’s that?” Kon asked. Morgana have out a huff, sounding tired of all her questions.. Kon flinched a bit- “ I’m sorry it’s just all so new to me.”
Morgana’s face turned soft. “ It’s where you’re in control of your dreams, and you can do and meet who ever you want. Isn’t that cool?”
“ Oh, neat… but what if something bad happens?”
“ After tonight, you’ll learn there’s nothing to be afraid of. The old gods are far more loving and forgiving and understanding that the Christian one. And-” she cleared her throat. “ They exist.”
Finally, the stones were neatly placed in a circle around them, and Morgana was ready to cast the circle by lighting the candles. “ Where’s north from here?” she asked out loud thinking to herself.
Konstantine paused and looked at the stars, at the moon, then pointed northward. “ Over there.”
“ Oh good, see! You were born a witch. You have the gift already. See there? Knowing where north is by just looking at the stars?! That’s proof!”
“ Yeah sure, I just can tell where north is from looking at the moon, and the stars it’s no big deal..” Kon shrugged it off. “ I was taught how to by my mom when we went camping in scouts, and with my dad out on the water. In case I ever got lost.”
“ Yeah NATURE. I can’t do that and I’ve been a witch longer than you. You got this Konkon.” Morgana smiled. “ Now hush. I gotta take this seriously, you gotta be quiet.” Morgana continued to cast the circle. She started from the North and turned clockwise as she did so. As she called the Earth dragon, Fire bird, Wind Tiger, and Water turtle, as the elemental guardians that would watch over them tonight during their ritual. Konstantine sat politely as she watched the candles dance on their wicks as Morgana lit each one in order. From North, East, South, and lastly, West.
Finally the circle was cast. “ Okay so no matter what happens— we can’t break the circle. Nothings gonna happen anyway and no one will bother us while we’re up here. That’s why I cast the circle, for protection from the unseen and the seen. So like, literally NO ONE can see us from here.. Even people in the yards or people that are outside. We just gotta focus on what we’re doing.”
“ What are we doing anyway? You said something about astrally traveling and past lives.. I thought we were going to a store or— lucid dreaming.. I can’t sleep right now.”
“ No, silly, you’re gonna mediate and travel astrally. We aren’t going anywhere physically.”
“ Hahaha right okay, I got it. So what do I do? I mean I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“ Okay.. you gotta take this seriously.” Morg said.
“ Yeah I get it, it’s serious.”
“ Hush. …Just lay on your back and close your eyes.”
“ This is so silly!!” Kon huffed.
“ Do you wanna talk to your spirit guide or not? This is serious! You said you heard him talking to you!!” Morgana exclaimed back as she pounded her fists on the shingles.
“ I don’t know if I did, I could have imagined it. It might not even be real.” Konstantine doubted, as she glanced at her own hands seated in her lap, then wiggled her fingers as she did so. “ What if I made it up for some dumb comfort reasons? Like when they did those silly skits at church?”
“ Riiiight you seemed pretty emotional about it when it did happen. Besides you aren’t trying to convince a crowd of people that this is real for a paycheck, like the church does. You’re trying to find spiritual guidance.” Her friend countered.
“ I guess so.” She exhaled as she laid back on the roof and placed her her head down on a pillow. The shingles of the roof itched her back. “ But this better work.”
“It’ll work if you believe it will work.” her friend said sternly before clearing her throat. “ Now count backwards from 100.”
“ Gotcha,” and Konstantine carried on, counting backwards and mouthing the numbers as she went. By the time she hit 70 she wasn’t moving her lips anymore, it was all in her mind. She felt lighter and lighter— and sooner or later she was deep in a state of meditation. Her friend guiding her through it.
“ You see a bunch of tv screens, all on different channels. Each TV is a past life.”
Konstantine followed Morgana’s words and she opened her eyes— somewhere else.
Inside her head.
She floated inside this strange place inside her mind. She wasn’t quite human but not completely something else either, a mixture between the two. When she tried to focus on her hands it looked blurry. The young girl shook her head of that, and blinked her sight a few times. Soon it became clear and she could see. Then she looked at the various screens before her. Flying all around her were were hundreds, no, thousands of TVs. Millions even. As if they were suspended up in the air, they swarmed around her, faced her, orbited around her in a circle in all directions. All flickering from channel to channel to channel, filled with static and the visuals and movies and scenes and stills on the screen skipped and jumped like a old VHS tape playing on a VCR older than she was..
“ Pick one.” She heard a voice inside the chamber she was now inside of, a void of a room which went on for miles in all directions. Kon tried to see the floor under her but even that too didn’t exist. She walked, yes, but on nothing. It was like some tesseract that had no beginning and no end. She could go down wards, forwards, side to side, and up.
“ Find the one that resonates the most with you and go to it.” She heard the voice again. And did just that. She found a tv above her and wandered towards it. Very carefully she walked towards that one screen in particular, or arrived at it by mere force of will.
With a flash of light, even more static buzzed in her ears, metal clanging and various sounds of a grumpy yet alive machine rung through her head. Then finally. She arrived. She was inside the world that the tv had displayed before her. It was in a world of an older America, untraveled roads and romantic ideals, perhaps it was somewhere west of the Appalachian trail, or further west in the vast nothingness of somewhere she hadn’t been before. It was mountainous, that’s all she did know. It looked similar in a way to the mountains she’d visit in the winter and early spring. But bigger, more than real, steep and were unforgiving with pine trees dotted on their steep slopes. They weren’t the same as back home, then, and it was dry. So very dry.
From there the young traveler walked, as she felt the gritty sand and dirt and pebbles between her paw pads. Paw pads. She wasn’t human here. And she felt them, it felt so real. She was aware she might have been dreaming this all up. But how could she be? When she was sure enough the hot heat on her pelt and the grit under her feet felt more and more real than the itchy shingles in her back.
It didn’t accrue to her how odd it was that she was no longer a young teenage girl. But a young white wolf.
The now teen turned wolf followed the path, soon she came across a small cabin off in the distance, “ follow it.” The voice from the void beckoned her. So she did, because what was the point in questioning this right now when she wasn’t quite sure she could even wake up.
Konstantine paused and stood before the cabin. From there she panted a bit, she was tired, and hot. She wondered how would whoever lived there would react to some strange dog wandering on their property. Or to be more correct, a adolescent wolf cub. A yearling at best. She put her ears down and tail tucked in as she sniffed around a bit looking for water. Allowing the wolf mind to take hold. And froze when the cabin door opened.
She saw him then, a man, not much older than her. He could have been her twin in another life. Average in height, and build, he had blond hair and tanned skin- like he spent most of his time outside. Pinker than her, like he had sunburned, with less moles. The boy looked at her from afar from the porch. There was a guitar strapped around his shoulders, and she saw him slowly slide it off as his eyes followed hers.
She tried to make herself look smaller. If she were to bring anything here from her troubled childhood it would be this; do no harm and don’t cause a scene. Make yourself look small. Do not look like you’re a treat. Be meek.
He walked towards her, slowly, cautiously. There was a sword and various daggers attacked to his person, a duster long coat blew in the breeze.
Konstantine’s eyes followed the boy and she flinched down and cowered when he stood over her. His face seemed to melt at this. He almost seemed apologetic when he knelt down beside her. Sandy colored hair pulled back in a pony tail lay over his shoulders. There was a worldly vibe about him. With a small canteen attached to his belt and he pulled it out, pouring its contents into a cup; he held it out it under her snout.
“ Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you.” His said to her, kind, gentle, and warm. Inviting in a way like her Grandmother. She knew that voice. That’s the one she heard calling out to her a few nights ago. ‘ I’m here, I’m here, find me. I’m here.’ It called out. It was the same voice as before. She heard it all through out her childhood. The nights she cried herself to sleep. The days she would eat lunch alone hiding out in the bathroom when in school. When she cried in the nurses office the first time she lost a fight with a bully. It was His Voice.
She lapped up the water, it wasn’t strange to her to do so in this wolf like body. It was as if the astral had given her brain an installed guidebook on how those things worked in a body you weren’t really accustomed to using.
“ There you go, see? All better. Silly wolf pup, what are you doing out here by yourself? Where’s your pack? Are you going to tell them I don’t have too much for you guys to eat here.” He continued to talk and refill the cup up with water. Once she had her fill she still kept herself small. And he was visually puzzled by her demeanor. With a slow hand he reached out for her head. “ You’re not wild are you? Are you someone’s pet..?” his hand slowly stroked her head. And damn did it feel… nice. She pushed her head into his hand for the second pet and felt safe, his face lit up at that. “ There, there you go. See? It’s safe here. “ The boy spoke as he pet her.
It wasn’t before long before that he stood up and she wined and started to follow him. Pawed at his leg, she didn’t want him to leave. He seemed so nice and welcoming and protective.. He scratched the back of his head at her. “ Well I guess you really aren’t wild, are you? You want to come inside with me?” She glanced back at the path she came from, and she looked too, and from there she could see the sun was setting. Where ever they were.. It went from hot, to cold. Snow was beginning to fall. “ It’s very unpredictable here. You should know. Little wolf. Does the weather change like that where you’re from?” He replied as he kept the door opened and let her inside. “ I don’t know who or what you really are, but you’re welcomed to rest with me.” Konstantine walked inside and it was so.. rustic, but comforting in a strange minimalistic way. Simple. There was a small fireplace and she watched this would-be-twin of hers make a fire. Once he was done with that, he got his guitar back and plucked away a simple melody. Not before he glanced in her direction to welcome her over to sit with him.
“ I think I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. “ He said as she rested her head in his lap and curled up at his feet. He felt so safe, and she wished with all her might she didn’t have to leave. She wanted to be here forever with him.
Just a simple dog living a simple life far away from the struggles back home. How she wished she could stay.. Here with someone she had never met before, neither in her dreams or anywhere else, besides that one other time when he called out to her. And, regardless of that, it all seemed so familiar and welcoming and Home.
Her heart ached at that, that she finally found the one thing she had been missing this whole time. Because this place was nothing like the hell hole she lived in with her mother.
It was warm, there wasn’t any screaming or yelling, this boy- who’s name she still didn’t know. He was as sweet as could be. Not in a boyfriend kind of way, but in big brother kind of way. Someone she wished she had had to protect her from her mother, church, and the other children who heckled her daily. If she could just be a dog here, with him, and a warm loving family.. Because sometimes a family is just a guy and his dog. It would be easier if she could stay, and leave it all behind.
“ I don’t want to go back home.” She felt her mind say.. And when she said that, he stopped playing his guitar and looked at her. “…I’m sorry. I..” So she could speak. Well. Damn. She had blown her cover.
“ No no, it’s okay. I.. Kind of figured you weren’t a real wolf.” His eyes stayed at the neck of his guitar as he plucked way at the strings, keeping some music as the background for this conversation. This conversation she could tell that was going to turn out like every other conversation she had had with people about wanting to leave her mom... About wanting to stay where she was instead of going ‘home’.
“ Can I stay here forever with you? I don’t want to go back.”
“ No, you can’t. Not yet anyway. I’m sorry. You have a real body, and people who love you from where you’re from. You gotta go back. You’re welcome to visit any time you like, but you can’t stay here.”
“ Can you come with me? Please come with me. I’m scared --”
“ Listen, kid.”
“ Please don’t leave me alone.”
“ -- listen,” he breathed a bit and met her sad eyes. “ My name’s Garrett and if you ever need anything just call my name. I’ll come for you. I promise. I’ll protect you from whatever is there on the other side.”
“ But why?”
“ Think I’m your spirit guide. Why else would you be here with me like this.” He blinked. “ I mean, do you want me to be your spirit guide?”
While not being able to stay was more than heartbreaking for her young self. The idea of having Garrett was a spirit guide made the blow a little less harsh. She nodded and gave a bark as a response. He laughed hard at that.
“ Well I guess that settles it. “ He scooped up her paw in his right hand. “ I think we’ll have some fun with that.” He rubbed her hackles with his other hand, and bobbed her on the head with his own forehead as he nudged her. His smile was infection and genuine and Konstantine could feel her tail wagging and warm tears stinging her face.
“ How do I find you again?”
" Don't worry about it. I will find you. " he did his best to reassure her. " I think I have been waiting for you all this time; I think you're the one..” Garrett seemed to be confirming it more to himself at that point. But his face went troubled and pained when he felt his hand sink through her head. As she began to fade away. Konstantine cried out as she felt like she was waking up from the tail end of a vivid dream.
“ No no no no NO! I don’t want to leave.” Her happy tears were turning into sad ones. “ Please don’t forget about me.” She called out.
“ I will find you, I promise. I’ll come back for you.” He knelt down and braced his hands around her shoulders. His yellow eyes piercing into her hazel ones. “ No matter how screwed up things get. I vow to protect you and yours. Always. To come and save you. By the honor of Fenrir I will. You hear me? Question everything. We met for a reason, tonight. All things are connected, there are no coincidences.” Konstantine went to bury herself into his strong chest, but the second she made contact with him she was gone. She faded away from that strange world, and back into her real body back on Earth.
I fucked up, bad. See.. when your mom is some kind of monster wandering off destroying worlds as she see's fit. Worlds that turned their bad on nature- which she viewed is the first original sin.. Your job as her son is to not ask questions. Do as you are told. Ruined lots of lives, lots of families. Broke a lot of hearts..
But sooner or later a power stronger than herself caught up to us. I was damned for my transgressions. But... But. You see, I had a chance at redemption. Only if I could prevent the apocalypse from happening on this lone planet called Earth.
Funny how it all played out in the end. It was only a story here, it was all only stories. Reincarnation and all that. A game.. That was teetering on the edge of becoming reality. So I submitted to my new destiny, unaware that I would fall deeply in love in the process. Life is kinda fucked up like that.
It all started somewhere in Maryland..
Konstantine came back, and her eyes and nose burned from tears she had cried while she traveled. Completely unaware of how distressed and upset she looked, she sat up, and the tears continued to stream down her face. Morgana was quick be by her side.
“ Oh my goddess what happened to you?” Morgana gasped as she comforted her friend.
“ I found him.” were was the only words she could get out. “ I found him. “
“ Who?”
“ Garrett.”
“ Kon, Hey hey Kon. Kon? You listening?—
“ KONSTANTINE! Pay attention!” A girl yelled. “ I don’t want you to falling off the roof and breaking your neck. I’m not gonna necromance your dead ass back to life if you do!” She barked again at Konstantine as the other girl stared off from the roof top. Kon had walked around the back porch roof to see everything that she could see from her vantage point. It was really cool to get a bird’s eye view of Morgana’s neighborhood.
“ You can raise the dead with magic? Isn’t that, like, devil worship?” she asked with concern in her voice. Sure she was very curious about this new ‘religion’ she was dabbling in. But she was still afraid of the ‘Devil’.
“ Kon, there’s no devil in the craft. I’ve told you this before. You gotta like, deprogram all that toxic shit the church force fed you for years.” Morgana rolled her eyes.
“ Yeah and I STILL gotta see mom and go to church in a few days-” Konstantine whined.
“ So you’ll be in the broom closet, a lot of witches are. Do you think my dad knows I’m a witch?”
“ Uh, I don’t know, does he?”
“ He suspects it but I really don’t care. I gotta keep my mouth shut shut or he’ll claim some religious freedom shit to stiff mom on child support and not pay for my school lunches in the fall.” Morgan scoffed as she paged through a new age book. “ So I pretend to believe in Jesus when he calls. It’s just pretending. You don’t have to fear going to Hell because it doesn’t exist.” Morgana rolled her eyes. Konstantine decided to settle her friends nerves and took a set against the brick wall of the house where it met the porch roof. “ Thank you.” Morgana said, not taking her eyes off the book.
“ You’re like the mom friend even though you’re two years younger than me.”
“ And don’t you forget it.” Morgana noted.
Kon watched the neighborhood from her vantage point above. It was a cool evening, and the promise of summer and being free from school responsibilities was well with in the air. The pressure of everything had finally settled down. The sun had finally set around 8 at night, and things had gotten slower, and easier, and perhaps a bit happier. No one wanted to be too hot from working to fast in the lazy summer heat.
Row-homes colored red and brown, stood lined up beside an old battlefield. Which after all this time had been turned into a park, the few remains on the land from the Battle of North Point. A field for children to play in, and nothing more. She thought it was morbid. In her childhood she had to do reports about Dundalk all the time- her mother had some odd sense of pride about it. So she knew the haunted parts, and the not so haunted parts. But she had yet to see any ghosts. The fireflies that looked like ghosts stirred about in the trees and in the grass.
“ You don’t act 13.” Kon said as she rested her chin on her knees. Recalling her mom-friend statement.
“ And you don’t act 15, like seriously. What kind of sheltered life do you live?”
“ Maybe you were the one exposed to stuff too early.”
“ It’s better to be that way, that way you can protect yourself from being taken advantage of.” Morg continued.
“ You think someone would take advantage of my kindness?” Kon blinked. “ That’s mean. Why would anyone take advantage of someone who’s being kind?” she fiddled with her hands. “ I mean, if we’re nice, and the good guys. Why would anyone treat us like crap? I mean I know people still do in school but you know what I mean. Like as grown ups.”
“ Oh, hah. Kon.” Morgana laughed lightly. “ You would totally be a super hero, you have this do-gooder outlook on everyone. And I’m in the back seat, because well- I’m smaller and I’m the hotter one that gets all the girls.” Morgana dodged the heaviness of the conversation about a cartoon they had watched that afternoon.
“ You get all the girls? Since when? I’ve never seen you with a girlfriend.” Kon felt completely confused, what was she getting at?
“ So you finally admit you aren’t a girl!” she played on as she teased and half-flirted. Konstantine sighed in defeat. Oblivious, well, she knew Morgana liked her- and she liked Morgana. But she didn’t have any romantic feelings. Just love. Unconditional love. It was weird. She wondered if there was a word for it.
“ Maybe we can astral travel to their city?” Konstantine said out loud. Thinking about the show they had watched once again. “ I’d like to get away from this place sometimes, you know?”
“ No way, Baltimore is literally the same thing. Only their city is like that Counting Crows song- ‘everyone wants to pass as cats.”
“ I think he was referencing ‘cats’ as in, like black people who started rock-in-roll.”
“ Black people started rock in roll?” Morgana looked up from her book. “ Really?”
“ I think so.” Kon said as she looked up at the sky. “ They started it, and well.. then what’s his name, er.. Elvis kind of stole the style and created rock and roll from Jazz.”
“ Don’t tell my dad that, he wouldn’t believe you. He’d probably say white people invented it to summon Satan. He listens to the same stupid ass track of Gospel music when ever I have to see him. One track for his one track mind.” And with that the two fell into fits of laughter. Leaning on one another affectionately to hold the other up.
So the two were seated a top of a awning on the back porch. Konstantine was then explaining the different constellations to Morgana, “ I think that’s the Big Dipper. I’m usually better at pointing out the ones in the winter…” Konstantine sighed as she itched the back of her head. “ And it’s hard to tell here with all the light pollution.. Maybe if we were in the mountains..”
Morgana listened and would glance every so often at the stars above. But focused her attention on placing gem stones around them in a circle, and paging through whatever New Age book she had in her hands.
“ I was gonna ask, how did you get the new book? It looks cool.”
“ Well mom sure as hell didn’t get it for me.”
“ Yeah that too- do we gotta worry about her showing up any time soon?” Kon asked.
“ Probably not. Mom’s never ever home, she just pops on by and leaves from food for grandma and then leaves us to fend for ourselves.” Morgana frowned.
“ Oh.. I’m sorry.” Kon lowered her head.
“ It’s okay, like, at least I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want. Most parents would lose their shit about a kid doing witch craft on the roof. My mom? She has no idea where I’m at and probably doesn’t even care.” Morgana laughed it off. But Kon could tell that she was hurt by her mother’s absence.
“ Maybe we can do a spell for someone to help us, keep us safe from the ones that hurt us.”
“ What? Like save us?” Morgana scoffed, that sounds a little Christian. Read the memo Konkon, Jesus isn’t coming because he doesn’t exist..”
“ That’s not what I mean. Not Jesus..” She stalled a bit. “ I mean like a real hero, like a good spirit or something.” Kon smiled sheepishly.
“ A good spirit? …Well whatever you do in the astral tonight. Will be a game changer. I think if I do this right you’ll be able to meet your spirit guide. You know, when you astral travel.”
“ What’s astral traveling like?”
“ Like Lucid dreaming.” Morgana continued.
“ What’s that?” Kon asked. Morgana have out a huff, sounding tired of all her questions.. Kon flinched a bit- “ I’m sorry it’s just all so new to me.”
Morgana’s face turned soft. “ It’s where you’re in control of your dreams, and you can do and meet who ever you want. Isn’t that cool?”
“ Oh, neat… but what if something bad happens?”
“ After tonight, you’ll learn there’s nothing to be afraid of. The old gods are far more loving and forgiving and understanding that the Christian one. And-” she cleared her throat. “ They exist.”
Finally, the stones were neatly placed in a circle around them, and Morgana was ready to cast the circle by lighting the candles. “ Where’s north from here?” she asked out loud thinking to herself.
Konstantine paused and looked at the stars, at the moon, then pointed northward. “ Over there.”
“ Oh good, see! You were born a witch. You have the gift already. See there? Knowing where north is by just looking at the stars?! That’s proof!”
“ Yeah sure, I just can tell where north is from looking at the moon, and the stars it’s no big deal..” Kon shrugged it off. “ I was taught how to by my mom when we went camping in scouts, and with my dad out on the water. In case I ever got lost.”
“ Yeah NATURE. I can’t do that and I’ve been a witch longer than you. You got this Konkon.” Morgana smiled. “ Now hush. I gotta take this seriously, you gotta be quiet.” Morgana continued to cast the circle. She started from the North and turned clockwise as she did so. As she called the Earth dragon, Fire bird, Wind Tiger, and Water turtle, as the elemental guardians that would watch over them tonight during their ritual. Konstantine sat politely as she watched the candles dance on their wicks as Morgana lit each one in order. From North, East, South, and lastly, West.
Finally the circle was cast. “ Okay so no matter what happens— we can’t break the circle. Nothings gonna happen anyway and no one will bother us while we’re up here. That’s why I cast the circle, for protection from the unseen and the seen. So like, literally NO ONE can see us from here.. Even people in the yards or people that are outside. We just gotta focus on what we’re doing.”
“ What are we doing anyway? You said something about astrally traveling and past lives.. I thought we were going to a store or— lucid dreaming.. I can’t sleep right now.”
“ No, silly, you’re gonna mediate and travel astrally. We aren’t going anywhere physically.”
“ Hahaha right okay, I got it. So what do I do? I mean I’ve never done anything like this before.”
“ Okay.. you gotta take this seriously.” Morg said.
“ Yeah I get it, it’s serious.”
“ Hush. …Just lay on your back and close your eyes.”
“ This is so silly!!” Kon huffed.
“ Do you wanna talk to your spirit guide or not? This is serious! You said you heard him talking to you!!” Morgana exclaimed back as she pounded her fists on the shingles.
“ I don’t know if I did, I could have imagined it. It might not even be real.” Konstantine doubted, as she glanced at her own hands seated in her lap, then wiggled her fingers as she did so. “ What if I made it up for some dumb comfort reasons? Like when they did those silly skits at church?”
“ Riiiight you seemed pretty emotional about it when it did happen. Besides you aren’t trying to convince a crowd of people that this is real for a paycheck, like the church does. You’re trying to find spiritual guidance.” Her friend countered.
“ I guess so.” She exhaled as she laid back on the roof and placed her her head down on a pillow. The shingles of the roof itched her back. “ But this better work.”
“It’ll work if you believe it will work.” her friend said sternly before clearing her throat. “ Now count backwards from 100.”
“ Gotcha,” and Konstantine carried on, counting backwards and mouthing the numbers as she went. By the time she hit 70 she wasn’t moving her lips anymore, it was all in her mind. She felt lighter and lighter— and sooner or later she was deep in a state of meditation. Her friend guiding her through it.
“ You see a bunch of tv screens, all on different channels. Each TV is a past life.”
Konstantine followed Morgana’s words and she opened her eyes— somewhere else.
Inside her head.
She floated inside this strange place inside her mind. She wasn’t quite human but not completely something else either, a mixture between the two. When she tried to focus on her hands it looked blurry. The young girl shook her head of that, and blinked her sight a few times. Soon it became clear and she could see. Then she looked at the various screens before her. Flying all around her were were hundreds, no, thousands of TVs. Millions even. As if they were suspended up in the air, they swarmed around her, faced her, orbited around her in a circle in all directions. All flickering from channel to channel to channel, filled with static and the visuals and movies and scenes and stills on the screen skipped and jumped like a old VHS tape playing on a VCR older than she was..
“ Pick one.” She heard a voice inside the chamber she was now inside of, a void of a room which went on for miles in all directions. Kon tried to see the floor under her but even that too didn’t exist. She walked, yes, but on nothing. It was like some tesseract that had no beginning and no end. She could go down wards, forwards, side to side, and up.
“ Find the one that resonates the most with you and go to it.” She heard the voice again. And did just that. She found a tv above her and wandered towards it. Very carefully she walked towards that one screen in particular, or arrived at it by mere force of will.
With a flash of light, even more static buzzed in her ears, metal clanging and various sounds of a grumpy yet alive machine rung through her head. Then finally. She arrived. She was inside the world that the tv had displayed before her. It was in a world of an older America, untraveled roads and romantic ideals, perhaps it was somewhere west of the Appalachian trail, or further west in the vast nothingness of somewhere she hadn’t been before. It was mountainous, that’s all she did know. It looked similar in a way to the mountains she’d visit in the winter and early spring. But bigger, more than real, steep and were unforgiving with pine trees dotted on their steep slopes. They weren’t the same as back home, then, and it was dry. So very dry.
From there the young traveler walked, as she felt the gritty sand and dirt and pebbles between her paw pads. Paw pads. She wasn’t human here. And she felt them, it felt so real. She was aware she might have been dreaming this all up. But how could she be? When she was sure enough the hot heat on her pelt and the grit under her feet felt more and more real than the itchy shingles in her back.
It didn’t accrue to her how odd it was that she was no longer a young teenage girl. But a young white wolf.
The now teen turned wolf followed the path, soon she came across a small cabin off in the distance, “ follow it.” The voice from the void beckoned her. So she did, because what was the point in questioning this right now when she wasn’t quite sure she could even wake up.
Konstantine paused and stood before the cabin. From there she panted a bit, she was tired, and hot. She wondered how would whoever lived there would react to some strange dog wandering on their property. Or to be more correct, a adolescent wolf cub. A yearling at best. She put her ears down and tail tucked in as she sniffed around a bit looking for water. Allowing the wolf mind to take hold. And froze when the cabin door opened.
She saw him then, a man, not much older than her. He could have been her twin in another life. Average in height, and build, he had blond hair and tanned skin- like he spent most of his time outside. Pinker than her, like he had sunburned, with less moles. The boy looked at her from afar from the porch. There was a guitar strapped around his shoulders, and she saw him slowly slide it off as his eyes followed hers.
She tried to make herself look smaller. If she were to bring anything here from her troubled childhood it would be this; do no harm and don’t cause a scene. Make yourself look small. Do not look like you’re a treat. Be meek.
He walked towards her, slowly, cautiously. There was a sword and various daggers attacked to his person, a duster long coat blew in the breeze.
Konstantine’s eyes followed the boy and she flinched down and cowered when he stood over her. His face seemed to melt at this. He almost seemed apologetic when he knelt down beside her. Sandy colored hair pulled back in a pony tail lay over his shoulders. There was a worldly vibe about him. With a small canteen attached to his belt and he pulled it out, pouring its contents into a cup; he held it out it under her snout.
“ Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you.” His said to her, kind, gentle, and warm. Inviting in a way like her Grandmother. She knew that voice. That’s the one she heard calling out to her a few nights ago. ‘ I’m here, I’m here, find me. I’m here.’ It called out. It was the same voice as before. She heard it all through out her childhood. The nights she cried herself to sleep. The days she would eat lunch alone hiding out in the bathroom when in school. When she cried in the nurses office the first time she lost a fight with a bully. It was His Voice.
She lapped up the water, it wasn’t strange to her to do so in this wolf like body. It was as if the astral had given her brain an installed guidebook on how those things worked in a body you weren’t really accustomed to using.
“ There you go, see? All better. Silly wolf pup, what are you doing out here by yourself? Where’s your pack? Are you going to tell them I don’t have too much for you guys to eat here.” He continued to talk and refill the cup up with water. Once she had her fill she still kept herself small. And he was visually puzzled by her demeanor. With a slow hand he reached out for her head. “ You’re not wild are you? Are you someone’s pet..?” his hand slowly stroked her head. And damn did it feel… nice. She pushed her head into his hand for the second pet and felt safe, his face lit up at that. “ There, there you go. See? It’s safe here. “ The boy spoke as he pet her.
It wasn’t before long before that he stood up and she wined and started to follow him. Pawed at his leg, she didn’t want him to leave. He seemed so nice and welcoming and protective.. He scratched the back of his head at her. “ Well I guess you really aren’t wild, are you? You want to come inside with me?” She glanced back at the path she came from, and she looked too, and from there she could see the sun was setting. Where ever they were.. It went from hot, to cold. Snow was beginning to fall. “ It’s very unpredictable here. You should know. Little wolf. Does the weather change like that where you’re from?” He replied as he kept the door opened and let her inside. “ I don’t know who or what you really are, but you’re welcomed to rest with me.” Konstantine walked inside and it was so.. rustic, but comforting in a strange minimalistic way. Simple. There was a small fireplace and she watched this would-be-twin of hers make a fire. Once he was done with that, he got his guitar back and plucked away a simple melody. Not before he glanced in her direction to welcome her over to sit with him.
“ I think I’ve been waiting for you for a long time. “ He said as she rested her head in his lap and curled up at his feet. He felt so safe, and she wished with all her might she didn’t have to leave. She wanted to be here forever with him.
Just a simple dog living a simple life far away from the struggles back home. How she wished she could stay.. Here with someone she had never met before, neither in her dreams or anywhere else, besides that one other time when he called out to her. And, regardless of that, it all seemed so familiar and welcoming and Home.
Her heart ached at that, that she finally found the one thing she had been missing this whole time. Because this place was nothing like the hell hole she lived in with her mother.
It was warm, there wasn’t any screaming or yelling, this boy- who’s name she still didn’t know. He was as sweet as could be. Not in a boyfriend kind of way, but in big brother kind of way. Someone she wished she had had to protect her from her mother, church, and the other children who heckled her daily. If she could just be a dog here, with him, and a warm loving family.. Because sometimes a family is just a guy and his dog. It would be easier if she could stay, and leave it all behind.
“ I don’t want to go back home.” She felt her mind say.. And when she said that, he stopped playing his guitar and looked at her. “…I’m sorry. I..” So she could speak. Well. Damn. She had blown her cover.
“ No no, it’s okay. I.. Kind of figured you weren’t a real wolf.” His eyes stayed at the neck of his guitar as he plucked way at the strings, keeping some music as the background for this conversation. This conversation she could tell that was going to turn out like every other conversation she had had with people about wanting to leave her mom... About wanting to stay where she was instead of going ‘home’.
“ Can I stay here forever with you? I don’t want to go back.”
“ No, you can’t. Not yet anyway. I’m sorry. You have a real body, and people who love you from where you’re from. You gotta go back. You’re welcome to visit any time you like, but you can’t stay here.”
“ Can you come with me? Please come with me. I’m scared --”
“ Listen, kid.”
“ Please don’t leave me alone.”
“ -- listen,” he breathed a bit and met her sad eyes. “ My name’s Garrett and if you ever need anything just call my name. I’ll come for you. I promise. I’ll protect you from whatever is there on the other side.”
“ But why?”
“ Think I’m your spirit guide. Why else would you be here with me like this.” He blinked. “ I mean, do you want me to be your spirit guide?”
While not being able to stay was more than heartbreaking for her young self. The idea of having Garrett was a spirit guide made the blow a little less harsh. She nodded and gave a bark as a response. He laughed hard at that.
“ Well I guess that settles it. “ He scooped up her paw in his right hand. “ I think we’ll have some fun with that.” He rubbed her hackles with his other hand, and bobbed her on the head with his own forehead as he nudged her. His smile was infection and genuine and Konstantine could feel her tail wagging and warm tears stinging her face.
“ How do I find you again?”
" Don't worry about it. I will find you. " he did his best to reassure her. " I think I have been waiting for you all this time; I think you're the one..” Garrett seemed to be confirming it more to himself at that point. But his face went troubled and pained when he felt his hand sink through her head. As she began to fade away. Konstantine cried out as she felt like she was waking up from the tail end of a vivid dream.
“ No no no no NO! I don’t want to leave.” Her happy tears were turning into sad ones. “ Please don’t forget about me.” She called out.
“ I will find you, I promise. I’ll come back for you.” He knelt down and braced his hands around her shoulders. His yellow eyes piercing into her hazel ones. “ No matter how screwed up things get. I vow to protect you and yours. Always. To come and save you. By the honor of Fenrir I will. You hear me? Question everything. We met for a reason, tonight. All things are connected, there are no coincidences.” Konstantine went to bury herself into his strong chest, but the second she made contact with him she was gone. She faded away from that strange world, and back into her real body back on Earth.
I fucked up, bad. See.. when your mom is some kind of monster wandering off destroying worlds as she see's fit. Worlds that turned their bad on nature- which she viewed is the first original sin.. Your job as her son is to not ask questions. Do as you are told. Ruined lots of lives, lots of families. Broke a lot of hearts..
But sooner or later a power stronger than herself caught up to us. I was damned for my transgressions. But... But. You see, I had a chance at redemption. Only if I could prevent the apocalypse from happening on this lone planet called Earth.
Funny how it all played out in the end. It was only a story here, it was all only stories. Reincarnation and all that. A game.. That was teetering on the edge of becoming reality. So I submitted to my new destiny, unaware that I would fall deeply in love in the process. Life is kinda fucked up like that.
It all started somewhere in Maryland..
Konstantine came back, and her eyes and nose burned from tears she had cried while she traveled. Completely unaware of how distressed and upset she looked, she sat up, and the tears continued to stream down her face. Morgana was quick be by her side.
“ Oh my goddess what happened to you?” Morgana gasped as she comforted her friend.
“ I found him.” were was the only words she could get out. “ I found him. “
“ Who?”
“ Garrett.”